Ment@l H0$p!t@l Ph0ne Menu

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital .
 Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsiv e, press 1 repeatedly.

 If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
you want, stay on the line as we are tracing  your call.

 If you are delusional, press 7 and your call
will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which number to press.

 If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 I f you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
 memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 If you have low self-esteem, please hang up
our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your
 part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you
 care.

 (Well, my job is done .....Your turn)